’ Jim had left the day after their first attempt at making love. She couldn’t blame him for being honest, really, but his words still seared her mind. ‘Dammit, I’m sorry, but I can’t. I just can’t. You’re not the same anymore. I look at you and…’ ‘And what?’ ‘You look…you’re different and…all I feel is pity.’ Pity. Now she understood his unfamiliar face in the hospital. Jim might as well have called her an ugly hag. He had filed for divorce the next week, and had been more than generous in the divorce settlement, but Sharon had paid for the house and car with the loss of confidence in her sexuality. Returning to work had been hell. Her female coworkers had been sympathetic, but Sharon knew that, behind her back, they were thanking God it hadn’t been them. She had also overheard a conversation during which Judy boasted that ‘she might not be as thin as Sharon, but at least she still had both boobs’. After a time, she grew to hate their bodies, and then to hate the women who lived. He led her to the wall, pushed her gently to the floor, then stood in front of her. The robe was fuzzy and warm on her, but she could feel the air conditioning on her breasts and sex.He crouched down to one knee, like a coach giving a pep talk. “Ever touched yourself?”Dumb question. She wanted to say that. She couldn’t. She just nodded.“In front of someone else?”She shook her head.He moved even closer, whispering now. He had a certain smell, an aftershave or something. She recognized it from class. “Elena, I want your eyes on mine. You’re good at that. You’ll look away when I say it’s all right.”She fucking loved a challenge. She bit her lip eagerly and looked deep into those Caribbean blues of his. He was unfazed.“Start,” he said, and she did.Not without a flair for the dramatic though. Her hand made a weekend trip out of it, fingertips through the cleft of her breasts, nails along the dusky skin on her inside thigh, one then the other, then dipping into the rapidly filling lake.
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